Open Adoption – my (current) view

When my phone starts to vibrate and the light starts flashing red and blue I get super excited.  It’s a new email from Dominic’s birth mom.  If I’ve failed to admit (which I doubt) we were scared of the idea of an open adoption at first and we definitely did not want (or expect) to have any sort of regular contact with the birth parents.  And in case you didn’t know, after years of prayers we were blessed with a son and the most amazing relationship with his BPs. 

I try not to share too much about them on the blog because it is not my business to share, but they truly are amazingly sweet people!  We are so thankful that God has blessed us with them and the relationship we have.  Being the (mostly) transparent person I am, I do not hide the fact that my son is adopted, or the contact we have with the BPs.  The usual reaction is fear and shock: “Oh, I don’t know about that…”, “Wow, you are brave!!!”, or (the worst) pretty much no response – just like nothing came out of my mouth while it was moving.  I try my best through all of the questions I get to not get offended, but offer education on adoption.

Regardless of what other people think or feel, I really enjoy hearing about Dominic’s BM’s pregnancy, their family, and what is going on in their lives.  And I am happy to share updates and pictures of Dominic with them.  After we got Dom and before we met his BPs for the first time, we were still struggling with the entire situation.  We finally came to the conclusion that we are doing this for everyone, but especially for Dominic.  No matter what, we cannot change the fact that he is adopted and we want him to know that we are secure as his parents and can respect and encourage him to have a relationship with his BPs. 

All of this leads up to the open adoption round table that is hosted by Production not Reproduction.  This one really intrigued me.  The topic of this open adoption round table is: “What don’t you want shared in your adoptive relationships?”  I know that we are fairly new to open adoption (3 months in as of yesterday), but I believe that it will be the same as most things in life – a constant learning (and changing) experience.  So far, we have been very reserved as our relationship is starting.  I truly pray that as time passes, we will continue to grow our relationship and that we never encounter something we feel we need to not share with Dom’s BPs.  I try my best to be a transparent person because I believe each and every situation I have found myself in has been used by God to grow me into the person I am – and if someone else can benefit from sharing it, why hide it?  Again, this is my prayer, but only time will tell what will be – we just take it one day at a time.